Have you ever played with duct tape where you take two pieces and tape them together, than try to pull them apart ? The first time you stick duct tape together it really sticks, and is very hard to pull apart. The next time you do it, its not as sticky. Each time we pull them apart little pieces of each of them goes with the other piece. The more you do it, the less sticky it becomes, and not very many tries later the two pieces almost will not stay together at all.
Sex is a lot like the stickiness of duct tape. Our bodies have no experience of sex at first. We can watch it in videos, or read about it in stories, or even hear others speak of how much fun it is to do, but without actual experience, our bodies have all its stickiness as a new piece of duct tape. The emotional stickiness is intact.
Many would have us believe that only through experiences of having sex can we ever be good enough for when we find the love of our life. We are told that knowing how to do specific physical sexual acts through means of experimentation can we ever have the chance to enjoy sexual pleasure, and to give it to the one we love. This would be true if sex was purely a physical act, and sexual pleasure was nothing more than an physical emotion. Even more importantly, it overlooks the fact that we have a limited amount of stickiness.
This stickiness is what makes up everything about our being as an individual. So many of us have fallen into the lie that sex is nothing more than an physical act of pleasure; that we have unknowingly began to separate ourselves into two separate personalities. One being spiritual and the other a physical one.
In other words, the more sex you have with different partners, the HARDER it is to commit to only one person. Eventually, you won’t even be able to share any emotions of LOVE or PASSION… It will become an empty, emotionless act of lust, like a junky on drugs seeking its next hit as if nothing just happen. This is one of the main reasons the act is always in need of being more, and more extreme, or other partners are needed to feed the ever growing lust of emptiness. The lack of stickiness, or the emotional fulfillment of being loved, burns like a fire ever seeking to be quashed.
The reason is very simple! Our conscious mind can only imagine what it would be like to have sex for the very first time. And because sex is so very intimate, it is the ultimate surrender of self and ones body to each other; it is a form of physically death where each submits spiritually to the other’s pleasures. It is the ultimate act of trust in being loved, and loving the other.
After the very first time we have sex, there is no more wonderment, no more imagination as to how it should be physically… each time after the first, will always be compared to what happen during the first time! Just think, if a person was to have sex with say 5 different persons, than that would be 5 different first times that will be compared to the very first. Each of us are different, but sooner or later we will loose our passion to make love. Our hearts will be closed forever, the passion of love making will be gone, and all that will be left is having sex and comparing it to each of the others. By, the time we do find the person we will married, we would be comparing that person with so many others, that we loose the moment of making love! The emotional stickiness associated with commitment to each other during the expression of love making would have been reduced to a lustful act of physical sex.
Just think how so much more intimate and passionate it would be if the only person you could compare your sex life with was the person you was married too! Being able to surrender oneself to each other completely, mind, heart, and body, with no others in our conscious mind to be there comparing when making love! Truly, it would be just the two of them!
God tells us that the greatest intimacy between a man and woman is love making. This thing called sex is an outward expression of a married couple’s love, their total trust and acceptance of each other is a gift from God. Sex is great! But making love is far better! There is one condition we are told by God, if we are looking for great love making. It is to be faithful. The patience and trust of each other in being faithful and true to the one you love, is what true love is made of… experimenting, exploring, discovering what gives pleasure to each other’s bodies is the true stickiness of growing together.
Now, I am starting to hear… “But what if she or he is no good at sex…?” If this is your fear, you may wish to rethink your so-called “love” for that person ! We must NOT confuse lust for love! Lust is fear of not getting our need fulfill during sex. It is a warning sign that the relationship maybe abusive!
Do not believe it when a man tells you, “If you loved me, you would have sex tonight…” Why? The man don’t love you, he only loves himself, and trying to fulfill his own lustful desires!
But, true love is unconditional… It is this very fact of unconditional love for each other, that will have you wait for the right time! Its this unconditional love of surrendering your selfish lust to God, and waiting to be married that makes sex so enjoyable and passionate! To surrender our fear to God, and trusting Him, is how one will find the passionate love making we all seek after.
In God’s eyes “flesh joining flesh” is marriage.
We all make mistakes of one type or another! And if having sex and not being faithful in marriage was yours, than promise yourself that from here on, you will wait till you can be faithful ! And ask God to heal your heart and mind, so you will be ready for when your husband, or wife is finally known.
May God help each of us to be faithful and true to our husband or wife…